i took my heart to the lake while it was hanging off of my wrist for you to smile at. it was dawn and the humidity still caught on our tongues and hair like the sun had already bounded up and hung itself on the sky's noose, breaking its neck just to give us warmth. the lights were just peaking over the dark green hills stretching as far as our eyes could see. the water rippled carefully, as if it was trying not to break like the feeling in my skin as it tingled; somehow cold despite the warm summer breath pushing me forward.
i rode on a moss-covered wooden boat that felt perfect to rest in; like floating through a dream. lifting each oar made the loudest sounds and i thought i'd wake the world, all for a helpless passion; all for an ill-kept secret. all the little words i'd say prickled up and down my spine restlessly-- my poor poet mind wouldn't sleep until after you. i was love-sick and horribly infirmed with the heat of you; with the idea of you. i make myself nauseously ill.
it could have taken forever or it could have taken seconds for my soaked & beautiful boat to reach the shore, tapping softly on its hand and hissing water sounds into the hill's ears. i felt myself fill up with every sound and my veins cry out,wanting to burst and fill the dark water with the essence of me; strangely cinematic. i timidly climbed through the brush with my barefeet, with lightning in my clay-brown eyes. i saw you weren't there yet. it would only be a small time before you'd join me in your careful, quiet way. i squatted above the ground and tore blades of grass into threads, anxious for you.
the dawn made its way up and up till it had ballooned the whole sky. impregnating it. my smiles had shone dark long before, and now they had evaporated entirely. doe-like, i took a walk in these woods we always liked to climb through, half-hoping i'd find you.
soon the sky was painted pink and bathed in golden light, and my aimless walk hadn't ended. my ears suddenly caught a sound from the bushes and i made my way there with my rabbit feet. i sear, i heard your voice whisper and i heard a little shallow giggle.
i pressed my fingers to the bush and carefully pulled the branches apart, wincing at what wouldmightnevermaybe come
my eyes widened.
so did yours.
so did hers.
you tried to make knitted apologies exit out of
your wet, kissed mouth
but i wasn't listening.
you had given yourself to her and left me alone
in an unsteady boat.
the illness floated up from the center of me and i deposited it slowly in the brush behind us, shaking.
then, i ran and stumbled without looking at you-- prey from predator
and dropped myself in the boat breaking at its seams.
the boat became my lover;
i knew it would hold me as it had promised.
it took me back to earth from being suspended above.
i am walking,
easy as i breathe.